NEW YORK, NY - A juror who had been selected for former President Donald Trump’s criminal trial in Manhattan was dismissed from the case Thursday after the defense presented evidence that she had access to the Internet.
“I only use it to watch Judge Judy clips and message my nephew on the Facebooks, I promise,” explained the now-excused juror when questioned.
This revelation was apparently bridge too far for the defense, who asked for her dismissal. The judge overseeing the case, Juan M. Merchan, agreed.
“Listen, I’ve been on Facebook,” said Judge Merchan, “There’s no way her ass was just messaging her nephew on there. She’s been exposed to the nine circles of Hell - get her out of here.”
The juror, who wished to remain anonymous, spoke to The Racket after her dismissal.
“I guess I also like to play Bejeweled on my computer too. My nephew, Jamie, helped get it set up for me. Have you met my nephew, Jamie? He’s just the best, really.”
The unnamed juror then spent the next 20 minutes showing us pictures of her nephew.
This recent dismissal is the latest in an ongoing challenge to find impartial jurors for a criminal case involving such a polarizing, well-known figure. Searches are now being narrowed down to Y2K bunker inhabitants, any of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and people who just woke up from a 10-year coma.
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