The entrance to the Arizona Supreme Court building. (“Arizona Supreme Court Building in downtown Phoenix” by davidpinter, licensed under CC BY 3.0. Cropped for better usage.)
PHOENIX, AZ - In a bombshell decision, the Arizona Supreme Court ruled Tuesday that a 160-year-old ban on women having opinions is enforceable. Written when Arizona was still a United States territory, the law punishes women for writing or verbalizing any opinions whatsoever in the public sphere with ten public lashings.
The 1864 law also orders women to keep their dress-lengths to “below the knee” and bars a woman from riding in a horse carriage without their husband present.
The two women on the Court, Justices Timmer and King, stepped down from the Court immediately following the decision, citing their ruling. When asked for a statement, both former justices responded by pretending to zip up their mouths with their fingers.
Former President Donald Trump criticized the law, claiming it went “too far.”
"I’m all about states’ rights, but I’m not too sure on this one,” the former president told journalists as he ate a hotdog. “I hope they fix this, I really do. Compromise is important with this kind of stuff, it really is. Maybe they could just do a partial ban. Like on Tuesdays and Fridays or something. That’d be a good middle ground here.”
Arizona Senate candidate Kari Lake also responded to the ban in a lengthy statement posted to X, formerly known as Twitter.
“I oppose today’s ruling, and I am calling on Governor Hobbs and the State Legislature to come up with an immediate common sense solution that Arizonans can support” Lake wrote.
Lake was immediately arrested after her statement and awaits trial.
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